Hannah Montana: The Movie Game Reiew

Posted: March 12, 2013 in Reviews
Tags: , ,

Boy oh boy! Where to begin? Well to put you in perspective, just so you can get an idea of where Hannah Montana: The Movie Game fits on the list of all time gaming classics I’m going to say this; Hannah Montana: The Movie Game has already been hailed by most critics as one of the worst and broken games this generation has yet seen! You really will be wishing you had Superman 64 back on your screen rather than painfully forcing your way through this debacle! So now that’s out the way shall we begin?

The menu screen is the first thing you are going to see and to be honest it’s pleasant enough. You have some actual photos of Hannah Montana (or Miley Stewart) smiling at you, to be honest I don’t know which one’s which and when she’s not the other one and when she is. And you’re treated to the title track of the movie the game is based on. So far so good and nothing out of the ordinary and nothing you wouldn’t already be expecting from a licensed game aimed at 12 year old girls needing their tween pop fix. However it’s all about to go horribly wrong.

As soon as you start your new game you are going to spend the next 4-5 hours treated to some of the most ugly environments, character models and voice acting in videogame history. You would have thought that the developers would have at least taken some time to make their main protagonist look at least a little like her real life counterpart. If you did think this, you are wrong. Hannah Montana resembles a pixalated pig, and that’s being generous. The other characters don’t fair any better. However not seeing the movie or TV series I don’t know if the representations are faithful or not.

hannah1

So not only are you instantly having to deal with the most disgusting characters since Rufus first stepped onto the stage of Street Fighter 4 but you are also thrown straight into one of the most inexplicable rhythm action sequences known to man. It is constantly throwing images at you and expecting you to do something with them. The instruction manual doesn’t offer up any kind of help so its only when you then quit the game you then see there is an optional tutorial explaining that there are about 15 different image to memorise each with their own specific buttons to push. Why they couldn’t include this at the beginning of the game is anyone’s guess. Then there are the keyboard, drums and guitar segments, which also have their own styles of play. I’m not going to go into detail but suffice to say these are very nearly broken and unlike guitar hero and Rock Band don’t emulate playing the real things in any way, shape or form.

Believe it or not the live sections only make up half the game! The other half sees you play as Miley Stewart on her farm at Crowley Corners and pursue some of the most boring and tiresome fetch quests imaginable. The fact that Miley doesn’t run anywhere is also a big issue as I believe I could have completed the game in half the time had a run button been implemented. Apart from the fetch quests the only other things that will occupy you are the shops. That’s right you can buy clothes and accessories. Going to the fair to play on some tough and unfair minigames and riding Miley’s horse Blue Jeans. You thought Epona, of Zelda fame, and Argo from Shadows of the colossus were impressive steeds? Well they were. Blue Jeans handles like and arthritic sloth. That’s dead.

hannah2

As I have said before the actual Hannah Montana tracks themselves aren’t too bad and you will be whistling them for days to come. And the background score to the Crowley Corners sections is quite relaxing and if you close your eyes tight enough it almost feels like you’re back in Balamb Garden on Final Fantasy VIII. The only other positive thing to mention about this game is that it does throw achievements at you like they’re going out of fashion. In the first three minutes of play I had 100 gamerpoints. 3 hours later I had 800!

So do you really get the best of both worlds with Hannah Montana: The Movie Game? Well no. You get the atrocious gameplay of one and the eye scorchingly bad graphics of the other. Hannah Montana: The Movie Game knocks Superman 64 off its throne, yet still proves to be Kryptonite to the gaming populace. AVOID!

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