Random Retro Corner: NBA Jam

Hello children, hello. And welcome to kind Uncle Tim’s Random Retro Corner. Every few days, using a very intricate random selection technique that definitely does NOT involve emulation, I’ll be bringing you the very best in forgotten gems of yesteryear.

And what better place to start for someone who is so invested in the world of sport, than the classic that everyone loves and adores, NBA Jam on the Super Nintendo.

Ok enough of that! As anyone who knows me can attest, I know nothing of any sport in the world whatsoever. However the random game generator cannot be denied and I shall try my best to shed the light of an ignorant ignoramus over this cart!

I’m going to say two things straight away!

1. This game has been made by Iguana Entertainment who seem to have one of the coolest logos of all time. This of course instantly catapults the game up into the higher echelons of SNES classics such as Final Fantasy 6 and Super Metroid.

2. This music is funky. REALLY funky. I’m talking Funky Kong pilled up to the eyes pulling an all nighter at Fabric funky!

After these initial niceties everything else is a bit of a blur. I choose a two on two game (?) and the team I pick is the good old Chicago Bulls (I’ve seen Space Jam I’m not stupid!) and we are locking horns with The Pistons! And this is when the trouble starts. I don’t know what I’m doing! I score (is that right?) two ‘dunks’? Then we are hit with ‘stop clock violations’! The announcer is constantly shouting ‘heat it up!’, ‘from downtown!’ and ‘ugly shot!’ I don’t know where I am!

Anyway, long story short, as the ‘quarters’ roll by and the clock ticks down, I loose. I get annihilated. The final score lies at Bulls 17 Pistons 38. I vow never to play a basketball game ever again. I take a good long hard look at myself in the mirror and remind myself that yes, Michael Jordan may have money but is he happy? No. Am I happy? Yes. Kinda I guess….

Well I hope we’ve all learned something today. I know I have. Join me in a few days’ time, or next week (I’m not quite sure yet). For more valuable, rare and classic insights into gaming’s glorious past.

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